• carolccmiller

Stay in your lane...

Stay in your lane

This past Sunday, I said goodbye to my childhood home, the homestead. It was 18 months to the day that I said goodbye to my mom as she now lives in the stars with my dad. In the past 18 months, I've said goodbye to my mom, my meeks, and now my homestead. I am not fond of goodbyes and yet they are so very necessary. What I've come to realize is the physical goodbyes are HARD and yet the energy of the LOVE remains. I can call on that energy anytime and breathe it in. In fact, it's always within me, a constant that I didn't necessarily pay attention to when I could physically see with my eyes more than feeling with my heart.

In recent years, when I pulled into the lane, I would stop and take a picture of it as if to make sure it was etched into my mind forever. That lane existed before me, it existed with me, and it continues to exist after me. In fact, if I truly want, I can drive down it again when I visit family, it's just no longer under my physical care. I will always care for it energetically.

The releasing of 'my lane' and 'staying in my lane' have been unfolding simultaneously in my life. They've been hard lessons and valuable ones. And while on the outside, they may seem to be different experiences, they are interconnected into me staying in my lane and speaking my truth.

What does stay in your lane mean to you? Well, here is how it has showed up for me in recents weeks.

A friend that I admired for their brilliant talent they are here to share with the world and someone I thought would be a big part of my life forever, betrayed me. Like many things, it didn't happen all at once, it was an unraveling over several months until it completely fell apart with the betrayal. It hurt. I was angry. I cried. I asked myself why did this happen. I promise you, it was not fun at all and yet I knew it was an opportunity for me to grow. Also, like many things, others were involved because our lanes were intertwined with theirs and it created a pileup. The untangeling of the lanes was uncomfortable and also needed, especially if I want to stay in my lane and live by my guiding values.

My guiding values: Be LOVING, kind, compassionate and peaceful.

As the friendship ended, some of our intertwined details were changed to detangle the connection so we could all move forward. Again, not easy and yet necessary. It was a hard reminder to stay in my lane as I cannot control the lanes of others. I can only control how I show up on a daily basis. I created this sticky note that I kept on my laptop for several weeks as a reminder.

With all of this going on, the betrayal of a friend and releasing my childhood home, perhaps the biggest life lesson of staying in my lane happened. That being, the murder of George Floyd, an unarmed black man restrained by police and killed by them. How do I stay in my lane while allowing my guiding values to live and not denounce systemic racism?

My guiding values: Be LOVING, kind, compassionate and peaceful.

I sat in the magical space of the homestead while Chicago and other cities around the country were burning. I didn't know what to say, or what to do, and I felt angry and helpless. Is my silence complicit? I am certainly not complicit with white supremacy and yet I wasn't sure how speak my lane. How do I move forward with Positive Focus in light of all this pain and ugliness. The words came to me yesterday and I shared them on my Facebook profile about how I am choosing to show up in this world. CLICK HERE if you want to read the full post.

I've always spoken it privately that LOVE is hard and fear is easy to fall into. I am now speaking it publically and I am even more dedicated to my commitment of LOVE, kindness, compassion, and peace with the complete knowing that all of these qualities are innately against racism, injustice, oppression and cruelty. Positive Focus has never been about living in a utopian world for me, it's always been about showcasing the beauty in the world while healing the cruelty that exists and moving forward with LOVE, kindness, compassion, and peace.

So my friends, I hope you choose to stick with me on this journey on being the people we want to be in the world and creating the world we want to live in. However, know that #blacklivesmatter to me and I will speak LOVE into that arena and any other marginalized group as I learn and grow into BEcoming a better ally through LOVE, kindness, compassion, and peace.

Moving forward, I invite you to stay in your own lane by:

Knowing you can release toxic people, jobs, and experiences from your life while sending them off with LOVE. Some may be 'bad' people AND some may simply be 'bad' for you. Some people come into your life as a reason, season, or a lifetime. Send LOVE as you move forward on the reason and season people.

Sitting in the discomfort of your lane and getting clear with who it is YOU want to be in your life and what type of world YOU want to live in. Begin to embody that and be gentle with yourself as you move forward.

Understand that operating from your lane does not mean not caring about the lane of others and wanting to help. It means being clear of how you can help and BE that first and foremost rather than telling others how to be. It means if you see injustice happening, you call it out within a space you feel comfortable calling it out. I am not asking you to put yourself in harms way to help another. I am asking you to see yourself as that other person and how can you help as you move forward.

Calling out the varying forms of hatred from a place of power and not revenge. Fear is easy to be consumed by and to start blaming, shaming, and complaining... and yet, by doing so, you give fear energy to grow. FEEL your feelings and transmute them into action steps that will bring about the change you want to see within yourself and others. If you want a peaceful world, be peaceful in your world. If you want more LOVE in your world, be more LOVING in your world. If you want more justice in your world, speak truth to the injustice and let us begin to heal.

Mostly, my wish for you this week is to get crystal clear about what you want your lane to look like. Who do you want to show up as in the world? How do you want to be remembered in the world when it's your time to move to the stars? I sure don't have all the answers and I will make lots of mistakes along my journey, but I do know that I am steadfast in my commitment to LOVE, KINDNESS, COMPASSION, AND PEACE while knowing they are hard to live by and yet ever so worth it as we move forward.

Until next time,

I am sending much LOVE to your lane in the world.


I will be vigilant in my lane of LOVE, kindness, compassion, and peace.

Words to LOVE by:

One is LOVED because one is LOVED. No reason is needed for LOVING.

- Paulo Coelho

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The purpose of human life is to serve, and show compassion and the will to help others.

- Albert Schweitzer

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.

- George Bernard Shaw

Sounds for your Soul:

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